The (Ubiquitous) Spice of Life

”It was a day . . .when I knew nothing was sacred.”


The Double-Edged Spork

I'm convinced the CEO of Taco Bell called an all-hands meeting late last year and declared that 2018 was going to be the year that Taco Bell would fulfill its secret mission of crushing the human spirit. After this bold declaration, he opened up the floor for ideas on how they might accomplish this. From … Continue reading The Double-Edged Spork

10// Derby

The Scientist drove slowly down a street surrounding the track, traveling at an unreasonable 3 miles-per-hour with the other unfortunate commuters who were just trying to get to the interstate and on with their weekends. He let out an unrestrained "dang it" under his breath, the closest thing to a real curse his Church of Christ … Continue reading 10// Derby

An Unnecessary Moment with Unsolicited Medical Practice Advice from an Unqualified-Yet-Concerned Citizen // #1

There’s a medical practice here in Louisville that specializes in a certain “medical issue” that is only applicable to men.  They advertise quite frequently, boasting that they ONLY handle said issue. I won’t mention the issue specifically; those who live here will likely know the practice of which I speak, and others can use your imagination. … Continue reading An Unnecessary Moment with Unsolicited Medical Practice Advice from an Unqualified-Yet-Concerned Citizen // #1

Couldn’t We ALREADY Eat Pizza Anytime?

Sometimes, when I realize how much I love something that's bad for me, and thus feel a bit of shame and/or embarrassment, I lash out and blame others. Perhaps this is where the following rant comes from? Perhaps it's that I'm the guy who has no qualms about, OCCASIONALLY, eating a piece of pizza for … Continue reading Couldn’t We ALREADY Eat Pizza Anytime?

“Fully Insured”

Yesterday, I spotted a truck on which was printed the following: {Name Redacted} Lawn Care "Fully Insured"  Note that the quotation marks around "Fully Ensured" are included here intentionally, as that is exactly what was printed on the truck.  It reminded me of this post. Either these (certainly fine) folks fail to understand a key aspect … Continue reading “Fully Insured”

A Moment with a Food Labeling Cynic // #1

My kids were eating cereal the other day, and on the box was the following phrase: "First ingredient: whole grain" I get that this claim is a comment on the supposed wholesomeness of the product, which is admirable. But it makes me wonder what OTHER ingredients they might be hiding? Because, if your second, third or even … Continue reading A Moment with a Food Labeling Cynic // #1

The “Limited” Time Offer

I keep getting these emails from companies informing me that I am being offered an INCREDIBLE discount on their product/service, but only for a VERY limited time.  Then, when I'm sure the deadline has passed, they pop back up and say they've extended it, but only for the BRIEFEST of windows, and ONLY for me. … Continue reading The “Limited” Time Offer

“Free Wi-Fi”

I recently saw a local motel sign which included the following, as written: Rooms Available "Free Wi-Fi" I simply don't understand the use of quotes here. Are they quoting someone? "Free Wi-Fi," says Bill Sweeney of Akron, Ohio. I guess it's better than: "Free" Wi-Fi which suggests that you will be paying for it in … Continue reading “Free Wi-Fi”

Riding Milk’s Coattails

I love how some boxes of cereal brag about how much protein is in the cereal. . .if you eat it with milk. Coincidentally, here are some other combinations that are high in protein: French Fries and Milk Oreos and Milk Xanax and Milk Milk and Milk Milk alone in a cereal bowl Anything and … Continue reading Riding Milk’s Coattails