12// Futures
Characters from the Scientist's past return, as their story, and by extension his, continues.
Customer Service at its Finest!
I love how foreign carmakers learn about their American customers over the years and make the appropriate adjustments. For instance, we have an early 2000’s Honda Odyssey, and the crazy thing won’t even hold a standard large McDonald’s Diet Coke! Flash forward a few years, and now we have a newer model. I see that…
Nostalgia
The Master Switch
Parents need a master light switch by the front door. That way we don’t have to wander around the entire house shutting off lights. We can just throw one large, Alcatraz-style breaker, a metal beast that’s two feet wide and takes two hands to pull down. Imagine the penultimate satisfaction of grabbing that steely handle,…
The Importance of Being Specific
Back-To-School Book List
In honor of back-to-school time, here is a list of books that, based on their titles alone, could be about getting kids ready for school: The Sound and the Fury The Things We Left Behind The Things They Carried Things Fall Apart The Hours Girl, Interrupted The Long Goodbye The Human Stain No Exit If…
We Have Favorites Too!
I’ve said it before, it’s not exactly fair that adults don’t get their pictures taken holding a sign this time of year. We have favorites too! In case anyone is interested, my (large) sign would read as follows: It’s Phil’s 25th year of work! About Phil: FAVORITE EXCEL FORMULA: SUMIFS FAVORITE REPORT FONT: Calibri Light…
All is Fair (And Other Potential Puns)
I love the State Fair. The fried foods. The livestock. The temporary rides of questionable safety. The enviable-yet-eternally-mysterious sense of weathered camaraderie in the carnie community. I don’t, however, love, like or even have special feelings for the exhibit entry process. In recent years, we have allowed the girls to enter something, mostly so we…
Mortification, Phase 2
Three years ago, we took the family to my company’s picnic at Huber’s, a family farm about 45 minutes from our home. At the time, I shared my mortification at the fact that we had left Sam’s shoes at home. I have photos of him traipsing through the pumpkin patch, barefoot without a care in…
Saturdays
They Play One on TV
For those of us who have had some experience working in a lab setting, we all know that moment in the crime show when the science is WAY too easy. Even if you haven’t, I’m sure you’ve suspected this was true. The TV Science Lab: DETECTIVE: We found this hair at the crime scene. We…
The Dangers of Cardio
I’m thinking about writing a book called Where the Sidewalk Ends. My version will not be a classic book of quirky, lovable poetry for young and old alike. Mine will be about middle-age man who goes on a stroll during lunch in an industrial park, gets lost, and has to dodge semi-trucks and forklifts in…
Same-Same, Grandpa
In which I am shamed by the fact that I need digital encouragement to perform a function as fundamental as moving. Or something.
Cannot, Shall Not
In which a common parent-child “conversation” is relayed, one which highlights the near-impossibility of achieving a base understanding when it comes to certain subjects, further solidifying a father’s status as “moron.” Or something.
