Couldn’t We ALREADY Eat Pizza Anytime?

Sometimes, when I realize how much I love something that’s bad for me, and thus feel a bit of shame and/or embarrassment, I lash out and blame others. Perhaps this is where the following rant comes from? Perhaps it’s that I’m the guy who has no qualms about, OCCASIONALLY, eating a piece of pizza for breakfast — I don’t need Big Food’s spin doctors telling me it’s ok! Or, perhaps it’s simply that these are the types of things I’m doomed to write, a sign of a mind that is stuck in the “peanut gallery corner” of junior high. Oh well . . .so much for the Pulitzer or Fancy Book Award. My new goal is to not be sued or publically shamed by Big Food*.

I love how the folks who make Bagel Bites (Ore-Ida, as it happens, aka the tater tot people, aka the Sultans of Starch) solved a problem that did not exist. Remember the jingle?

“🎵When Pizza’s on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime.🎶”

That was like 25 years ago, at most. I know we’ve come a long way in terms of technology, but I think even 25 years ago you could find and eat a slice of pizza any time of the day, without much trouble.

True to the law of advertising, they acted as if they ushered in some type of major breakthrough, a kind of pizza-availability barrier that had frustrated food scientists, and the general public, for eons! We could all relax now because finally, FINALLY, someone had found a way to put pizza. . . stay with us here, because it’s about to get heavy . . . on a bagel!

And, as a result, we, the pizza-adoring public could eat pizza — and here is the real life-changer — ANYTIME! (“USA! USA! USA!”)

Do you think real scientists of the time, people curing disease and sending satellites into space and inventing high-tech, ever talked about the Bagel Bite team:

“You won’t believe what I heard is going on over at Ore-Ida? Yeah, yeah, the tater tot people. Pizza…on a bagel! No, really. I’m dead serious! That’s what I heard…Yup, on a Bagel. Didn’t think…{sniff, sniff} I’d live to see it… Oh, so sorry I’m crying, Carl, but it’s beautiful!

*NOTE: I have no idea if “Big Food” is a thing. I’ve just noticed lately that for any industry which we want to collectively condemn as evil and greedy, we place the word “Big” in front of the industry title. Like “Big Pharma” or “Big Children’s TV.”


2 thoughts on “Couldn’t We ALREADY Eat Pizza Anytime?

  1. Wow. Pizza. On a bagel. That you can eat anytime. Whoa! Now there’s a novel concept. 😀

    Oh, and the word “big” that preludes the word “bird”… Surely you aren’t implying that our giant yellow flightless friend is evil? 😛

    1. Now that you mention it, he and the rest of the gang have seemed pretty shifty since they moved to HBO and started hanging out with the GoT crew. Hmmm. . . maybe I AM. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Memoir Of A Writer

perfecting language on paper

unbolt me

the literary asylum


reflections on a passing life

Love Travelling

Travel diaries providing inspiration for planning the perfect trip

Delusions of Pretension

Scattered Ramblings on Pointlessness

Messy Mapmaker

Searching Through the Pile of To-Do Lists to See What's Coming Next


humor. storytelling. general stupidity.

Jarrad Saul

Travel and Lifestyle: Jarrad Style

Rachel Being Chatty

Now featuring 15% more sarcasm.

Heartstring Eulogies

Conjured by Sarah Doughty

cancer killing recipe

Just another site

The Second-Rate Scientist

The life and times of a man not great at his day job.


On the quest to live an interesting life.

Leo Laporte

Broadcaster, podcaster, tech pundit. Founder, TWiT Netcast Network. The Tech Guy on the Premiere radio network

The Captain's Speech

Something to discuss at the dinner table.

Frank Solanki

If you want to be a hero well just follow me

Pete Hillman's Nature Photography

Photographing the beauty and wonder of Staffordshire wildlife and more

comically quirky

a twist of witty humor


World through my lens


Oh! Take a shit, read a story. - My Mother on flash fiction

J. A. Allen

Scribbles on Cocktail Napkins


Mental health news, reviews and all things funny.

Ben's Bitter Blog

"We make bitter better."

Shortness of Breadth

A Word Of Substance

"Object Relations"

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close