The SrS Report for the week of 5/21/17


  • Umbrellas. I hate them. They never live up to their stated purpose. Maybe it’s because I have a family of 6, and there’s no way we’re ALL staying dry; usually, the shortest person wants to hold it, so I end up with water streaming into the waistband of my pants. Or maybe it’s the fact that you have to eventually carry this sopping fabric wand into your cars and home. Or, perhaps, my favorite, i.e. the fact that when it’s even slightly windy the thing flips inside out, turning itself into a canvas bowl on a stick, perfect for collecting the water it has heretofore promised to repel. No sir, not worth it.

  • The guy at the gym. Does he hear his loud and gross grunting? He is wearing headphones, so MAYBE the Metallica track he is undoubtedly rocking out to has lulled him into a VERY false belief that his effusive grunting is only in his head? Or at very least is only detectable by those near him as something akin to a slight throat click?  Whereas in reality, I can hear him through my OWN sweet Metallica track, at least 50 yards away.  Is this a case of “Hear Something, Say Something”?

  • Apple Cider Vinegar. My wife has nearly convinced me that drinking apple cider vinegar works wonders for both body and soul. It’s in the so-called “mother liquor” they say, a term which makes me more than a tad uncomfortable. Nevertheless, I feel as if it’s going to do something magical for me, as if it will counter-balance the cookie dough and gravy-dipped chicken tenders I just ate.  Even typing this, I’m sure I can feel its magic working! But then I remember that ACTUAL liquor can also work wonders, so . . .

  • Stereotypes. I never noticed before that the Bad Guy Side-Kick on Veggie Tales is always a dude named Lunt, a Latino gourd with a gold tooth, pencil-thin mustache, and Panama-style fedora. Ah, Christianity: Stereotyping well before our President officially made stereotyping our thing.

  • Classic TV. We started watching “I Love Lucy” with our kids and they love it! They want to watch as many episodes as we’ll let them.  I consider it a huge victory anytime we find something that is family-friendly that we all enjoy, something funny and completely benign. Unless you count the occasional time the couple smokes in the apartment. Or the OCCASIONAL times that Ricky tells Lucy to “get back in the kitchen and make my breakfast”, or “get back in the living room and mend my socks”.  Or the obtuse mockery of Cuban-Americans. Or the countless times Ethel refers to her husband as “Fatso”.  Still, beyond those faux-pas, we’re loving it!

  • Tabloid Magazines.  I don’t buy them, but of course, see them while being held hostage in the grocery line.  These things are all over the map, telling completely contrary stories. Brad Pitt either got custody of his kids, or is in a halfway house getting sober, or is in consideration to be named the next Pope. Among other things, this tells me that my kids have a potential future in writing for tabloids, because they can never get their story straight.

. . .Until next week . . .

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Memoir Of A Writer

perfecting language on paper

unbolt me

the literary asylum


reflections on a passing life

Love Travelling

Travel diaries providing inspiration for planning the perfect trip

Delusions of Pretension

Scattered Ramblings on Pointlessness

Messy Mapmaker

Searching Through the Pile of To-Do Lists to See What's Coming Next


humor. storytelling. general stupidity.

Jarrad Saul

Travel and Lifestyle: Jarrad Style

Rachel Being Chatty

Now featuring 15% more sarcasm.

Heartstring Eulogies

Conjured by Sarah Doughty

cancer killing recipe

Just another site

The Second-Rate Scientist

The life and times of a man not great at his day job.


On the quest to live an interesting life.

Leo Laporte

Broadcaster, podcaster, tech pundit. Founder, TWiT Netcast Network. The Tech Guy on the Premiere radio network

The Captain's Speech

Something to discuss at the dinner table.

Frank Solanki

If you want to be a hero well just follow me

Pete Hillman's Nature Photography

Photographing the beauty and wonder of Staffordshire wildlife and more

comically quirky

a twist of witty humor


World through my lens


Oh! Take a shit, read a story. - My Mother on flash fiction

J. A. Allen

Scribbles on Cocktail Napkins


Mental health news, reviews and all things funny.

Ben's Bitter Blog

"We make bitter better."

Shortness of Breadth

A Word Of Substance

"Object Relations"

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close