Kid-Politician Convos

If conversations with my kids mirrored those of some politicians today:

“Sweetie, you knocked over the lamp, and it broke.”

“No, I didn’t. There is no proof.”

“Sweetie, I saw you just now, with my own two eyes.”

“You did not see what you think you saw. In fact, you weren’t anywhere near me, or the lamp, at the time you claim it was broken.”

“I haven’t moved from this chair. You and I are the only ones here. The lamp hit me in the leg when it fell. There are broken pieces of the lamp in my shoes.”

“You have been tricked into believing a lie. It is a conspiracy concocted by the MSM (My Sisters/Maniacs)”

“Sweetie, the facts are indisputable. You broke the lamp, accidentally, I’m sure. Just admit it and we can move on.”

“That lamp was made in China. Whoever knocked it over did you a favor.  Believe me.”

“Where is all of this coming from?”

“Where did YOU come from? Are you supposed to be here?”

“I was here long before you.”

“Prove it.”

“That’s it, no treats for tonight!”

“That’s ok, Little Debbie just built a plant down the street. Just because I asked them to. I’ll just go there.”

“That plant was built before you were born.”

“That’s your interpretation.”

“No, that’s a fact.”

“I have alternative facts you know nothing about.”

“This is insane.”

“Kind of like the idea that I would want to knock over your stupid lamp. It’s stupid.”

“We’re done here.”

“We accomplished a lot here today. Everyone is happy. Next Question.”

{Long, sad sigh.}

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