On my . . .

One of the features of my phone which I’ve come to rely on pretty heavily is the so-called “Word Prediction” feature. This is where your phone analyzes what you’ve typed so far, and offers suggestions for what your next word might be. You can then select the word instead of having to type it. It’s routinely a great time-saver. And sometimes a little out of touch. 

The other day, I was texting my wife to let her know I was leaving work., and was intending to type, “On my way.” After typing “On my”, I was presented with a couple of next-word options that would have created phrases which I cannot for the life of me imagine ever needing to use in a text message. I would love to meet the people for who these phrases are useful. 

The first was “On my resume”. The only scenario I can think of where this might be needed is for the guy interviewing for a job via text message:

Interviewer: And, where did you say I could find that list of references again?

Applicant: On my resume.

Interviewer: Gr8. Well I think I speak for the rest of the team here when I say “Welcome a broom”

Applicant: I’m sorry? 

Interviewer: Oh, dear. That was supposed to say Welcome Aboard. Auto-correct! Lol

Applicant: Lol

Interviewer: Your new colleague Johnson is ROFL-ing right now. 

Applicant: ROFL!

Interviewer: ROFL. . . C U Next week! 

Applicant: Gr8.Thx a “broom”. Lol

Interviewer: LOLOLOL! 

The second phrase was “On my life.” I cannot come up with a plausible scenario for this phrase, because, with the possible exception of mobsters and 17th century Spanish Conquistadors, no one would utter this phrase, period. It is so ridiculous, that I just may start throwing it in to my conversations:

Abby: Did you remember to get milk?

Me: I did. On my life, I did!

Abby: Are you ok? 

Me: My lady requested milk, and milk she shall have. As long as there is breath in mine lungs, she will have milk! 

Abby: Just come home.

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